10 values I look forward to teaching you, my son....

...and seeing you, in turn, rebel against me.

  1. Value your material possessions far above interpersonal relationships.

  2. Relatedly, seek short-term profits, especially if you get to pay people way less than minimum wage to do it.

  3. Don't believe the naysayers and the “data-driven” economists. Supply-side economics always works, especially when you're struggling to make ends meet. You need inspiration somewhere!

  4. Vote for the party that puts money in your pocket, especially if it's at the expense of helping the poor. The poor will always have Jesus, after all.

  5. The Koch Brothers are a good model for noble citizenry. They spent decades funding efforts to dismantle stronger government, made tons doing it, and then regretted it later. But they still get to keep the money! Genius!

  6. There's no environmental disaster you can't fix by paying someone a ton of money not to worry about it.

  7. Racial resentment works, and history proves it. You're ethnically Korean, so find ways to pit other minority groups against each other, so you just quietly sneak out the back door with your gains.

  8. Speaking of history, it's written by the winners like Donald Trump. Don't be a fucking loser like everyone he accidentally surrounded himself with. Actually, that was a probably a Deep State orchestration. He's too smart to intentionally choose those “cronies.”

  9. Charities are a great PR tactic to hide all the ways you'll need to hoard your wealth.

  10. If you end up going into politics, use religious and moral values as a cudgel to beat your opponents, while you secretly get to skim dollars through de-regulation and get kickbacks from that Arctic oil drilling company you fought for. Voters are too stupid to see past it. And so are those stupid polar bears lololol.